Sweetness

Why is Mrs. Smith such a curtain-wearing, computer-eating, bad hair-owning, Q-hating lampost? What is her problem? Ok, I'll be the first to admit, we are a little bit rowdy in her class. And ok, we do laugh at her appalling teaching techniques. And yes, occasionally we blog/email/turn the computers off when she is trying to get us to concentrate, but that is no reason to say "I hate teaching you as it is, but I have to, so don't make it so difficult for me". Oh, good one, Smithy. That's REALLY gonna get us on your side. Tell us you hate us, and we'll BEHAVE. Uh, yeh. Right.

But really, Smithy, you're going to have to get some way of keeping us entertained. Or perhaps if you just ignored us, instead of spitting your noxious insults and reprimands at us, you'd find it a lot easier to spew the nonsense that you have to. You KNOW we aren't going to listen to anything you say, so why bother mentioning the fact that we are "badly behaved"? And why bother wasting your precious (probably rancid) breath by shouting this at us? Whisper it. In fact, just don't speak at all. Tape your mouth up whenever you get the urge to screech an admonishment. No, wait, just tape your whole self up, and sit in a cupboard where you cannot bother us with your excel spread sheets/mail merge/general nonsense. Surely it is easier on both us and you to just pretend you are teaching us, and let us get on with our own work? Like spinning Kris on those extra fun spinny chairs that are exclusive to the I.T. room. Or going Google surfing. Or swapping the mouses (mice?) over with the person next to you so that they get very confused.

Much better for us, I think you will agree.

AND THAT REMINDS ME. What is with that big, blue, flowerly, entirely hideous excuse for a dress? Ok, I know I don't have the world's best fashion taste, but even I can see that that dress is a complete and utter no-no. Are you trying to look like a man in drag? Do you wish to be mocked and teased forever and ever amen? Does it give you some kind of kick to know that people are laughing at you? You odd, odd woman. I don't get the haircut either. Are you trying to look like a blonde "Ben from A1" (who remembers them? Hahaha, looooosers)? Because he, and only he, could pull off the "dangly forehead curtain" look. And even he did not do it that well.

Oh, Smithy. You are such a mess. How on earth do you expect to make friends when you are you?