Decimated Steven Machine

Where do I start? The beginning is far too easy. But you know, I'm a sheep, may as well do this the way I'm supposed to. Tall, skinny, inherently clever, braceful (should I not mention that?), and outgrown highlights. Yes, I'm talking about Mr. Davies. Sorry, joking. The "wonderful" person I'm talking about is actually Stephanie Louise Robinson, who is more commonly known as Steve, Steven, Stephanie Leicester Bobbins, Thing, whatever.

I have known her for nearly five years now. FIVE YEARS. How sick is that? But, I only made friends with it about a year ago. Which is lucky, I guess, as she is already infecting my brain with something that is known among us as "Stephanie Syndrome". Now, for those of you who don't know Miss. Robinson that well, "Stephanie Syndrome" is so-called because of dear Stephanie's all too evident penchant for telling untruths as an "hilarious joke". As I sit here, I recall one particular occasion, where she managed to convince both Kris and myself, for no apparent reason, that our wonderful technology officer (the lovely Mr. D.) lived next door to her. WHY? I DO NOT KNOW. Steve, you are a strange being. But, in doing this, she has made it so that I never believe a single word she says. It is a lot safer that way.

Random Fact #1 - Steven is sixteen years old, yet she does not know how to get a train ticket. IT IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. However clever she may be, she is the most incompetent person I know.

Stephanie is also an amazing actress. Not as good as me, of course (I mean, who is?). She is always the main parts in all le pieces de theatre, and I actually cannot wait till we do theatre studies together. HOW SPACKY THAT WILL BE! It will be so groovy, and is a reason in itself to stay on at Sir Spilliam Werkins.

My favourite thing about the Stevemeister? Well, it would have to be how much of a spacktard she can be when she is in the right mood. I don't think I am the only one who has seen this extreme, and unfortunately infectious, silliness. I am positive that I only get silly in this certain way with one person. Yes, that's you, Kat Ball. Steve. Whatever. Sometimes it's really difficult to tell the difference between the two.

Random Fact #2 - Steve does, in fact, own an inflatable phone. I can't even think of a reason why that is so cool. But it is. Obviously.

The worst thing about Stevenage. Well, that's difficult, considering everything about her is horrible. Damn. I actually can't think of anything bad about Steve. How icky. Get some bad habits, girl. Hmmm.

More recently, we have found common ground. No, that's not true. Steve just likes to lick me. Since her little sleepover, she has started a new game. Lick Cassie. I have been licked by the entire of the Spastics, and by most of my SWPy friends too. So, from now on, I ban all licking with exception of Steve and Ogg, as they are the original perpetrators of the lickage, and therefore are the only ones who have permission to cover my cheeks in slobber.

So, lastly, and probably leastly, I have very lately realised that Steve is not the scary monster I first conceived her to be, but a bit of a spacker. But that's why we love her, eh?