"You Have Cookie..."

So. Friday.

I come out of French conversation early (having mumbled some lame excuse about needing to finish off some maths coursework) and find Steve, Kris and Roxy all over the floor ABSOLUTELY DYING with laughter. Now, this would be normal, except for these three facts:

1. Roxy had a big red spot on her nose
2. Steve had lovely red and pink stripes in her hair
3. Kris had a beard.

Slightly perturbed by the antics of these fools, I try to find out what on earth has caused this mass eruption of hysteria. The answer? A video of those three musketeers dancing to "The Bum Bum Song". Yes, that well known, mature song. So, after watching this VOW (Video Of Wonders), I too joined the ranks of hysterical laughter. I very nearly wet myself.

The school day trundled on. I spent many an hour (ok, an hour) getting Lois to do my maths for me. At last, the end of the day rolled on. Yippee, I thought. Home time. Uh, I was wrong. Kris had a nice detention. So I sat alone, giggling by myself in the I.T. room, until the Krisp had finished. Then we skipped to the station, hopped home, and jumped into my room. This is where the fun began.

We got the hysterical heebie jeebies. You know, uncontrollable giggling for no apparent reason. It was then we decided to massacre Kris's hair. To give her a fringe. To make her look like a Japanese porn star (the words of her ever-loving boyfriend).

We got the nice orange kitchen scissors out.

We put a dye stained towel on the floor.

We put some Scissor Sisters on (well, you have to, don't you).

We chose the unlucky strands, and snipped it all off with one fell swoop. Ok, I conceed, there was quite a lot of chopping and hacking. But we got there in the end. At this juncture, both ther hairdresser and the hairdressee were dying with laughter, crying their eyes out, and waving scissors like nutters. Which we were, of course. More snipping and hacking later, Kris at last had a fringe. Kind of.

So we gave up on that for a while, and decided to go and make pizza. That's right. Not just EAT pizza. But MAKE pizza. Good plan. I think. So we covered the base in too much tomato, smothered it in too much ham, choked it with too much cheese, and then sprinkled many little bits of pineapple over the top. Yum yum yum.

Emperor's New Groove watching ensued. May I take this moment to remind all of you losers who have never seen it that YOU MUST WATCH IT. Yeh.

More hair chopping.

Hair straightening.

Hair washing.

Hair straightening.

Hair washing again.

Hair straightening again.

My God, I have finally become a girl.

MSN, blah blah, sleep, blah blah blah.

Saturday.

We wake up half an hour late, and instead of rushing to get the train, we slowly dress, miss the first train and decide to get a bus. I must mention here that we were both wearing short skirts, on the command of the unreliable Spastics. We arrive in Kingston for le shopping for Hannah's birthday present and lunch eating. Joe soon arrives. NOT wearing shorts, I may add. We sit quite quietly in lovely old MacDonalds (ugh), and play with magnets. Well, I was playing with magnets. Joe was gazing intently at Kris's newly acquired fringe, and then glaring at me every now and again. As I pointed out, Kris and Joe now have matching fringes. And don't they look LOVELY?

We soon left to go and sit in the Rotunda for no particular reason. Steve, Emma and the Rozz arrived. Joe was happy to see that he was surrounded by a load of girls all wearing short skirts. I would like to add here that no, Joe. You are not a pimp.

We skipped off the to Bentall's Centre to feed Emma. Literally. I was actually feeding her. Making train noises and stuff. God, I rock. Even though we did get weird looks. But never mind. As long as we make Emma fat, all is good. Mike soon boarded the train of fun. Also not wearing shorts. I am less than impressed.

Off to the Rotunda again, to meet a load of new people, comme Barney (Rupert) and Ben (who?). Tom was also there, dressed in his oh so lovely fleece. Why do you taunt me so with that fleece? The practicalness of it is just FUNNY. And if you can't see that, you have severe problems, and should be looked at by a doctor.

I shall note again that NONE of them were wearing shorts. I am really not pleased. At all. You are all unreliable and BAD PEOPLE. I hope you feel bad about yourself forever now.

Inside, we waltzed towards the queues, only to be met by my arch nemesis, formally known as Mrs. Payne. Ok, maybe not arch nemesis, but whatever. She came over to say hello, and was promptly greeted by Oli saying, "Ahhh, hello, I am Krrrestiina's brruthah from Russsia". At that point, I walked off, unable to control the laughter which had bubbled up.

After that lovely fiasco, we queued up to get our tickets to see Hitch. This did not go, however, without sulking objections from the fleece wearing one. Constantine blah blah. This went on as we walked into the cinema, as we sat down in the cinema, all the way through the film etc. etc. etc.

We slithered out as the film ended, skipped along the road, waved enthusiastically to Fati who was in a passing car, and hopped into Burger King. Why do we spend so much time in fastfood areas? This does not impress me. We spent a long time in there, with some new person (Jack. Who?), Zippy got stolen again, Tom walked off without saying goodbye properly AGAIN.
And then:

• I lose lots of arm wrestling matches (but only just. You lot should be ashamed).
• We go to the bus stop.
• Joe turns electric.
• We find a trolley.
• Roxy goes home.
• We go to le Paul's.

A strange creature greets us on the stairs. This creature is Marios. We all rush into the room. Pool is played, and Paul gets hit in the balls by the white ball. I am impressed by this, I must say. And it was very, very, very funny. Sorry Paul. But it was. I can't even remember much of what happened next, except we all slid downstairs to "help" Paul make cookies. In other words, we made stupid jokes, and threw eggs.

"Ooh, self-raising flour!" Marios lifts the flour up slowly. Emma completely collapses and is in hysterics for the next twenty minutes. Cookie making carries on. It looks disgusting. Paul makes us all lick his cookie mixture covered fingers, and then proclaims,

"Now all your saliva is mixed together in the cookies, except Rupert's and Marios's. And I just spat in it". Yes, Paul. You are a scary, scary man. Cookie eating ensued, along with phone stealing, and dancing. I leave the room for one minute to go to the bathroom, and when I return, everyone is jumping in the living room. Which was, uh, weird. They all slowly left, leaving me, Kris, Steve, Marios and Barney. Rupert. Whoever he was. Marios uttered these immortal words,

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you have cookie...." and points at my zip, where there is a tiny morsel of cookie nestling comfortably. Cue major laughing fit, and Marios looking shocked at his ability to amuse the female kind.

What a funny man. I can't believe we haven't met him before. Why has this been hidden from us? Honestly.

So that was it, basically. Haha. I am tired now. Thank you, and good night.