Complete and Unabridged (Spelling Mistakes and All)

Things that Thomas ‘The God” Phipps has learnt from Bobs party (in no particular order):

1: Emma can’t fake being drunk to save her life. Either that or she is a lightweight.
2: It’s true: In every party there is one Utterly Cool Dude®. That rules.
3: Cassie is * hahahaha * a COMIC GODESS. You see, haha. She said that she has dye in her hair, and that sounds like die, like to be dead. And they sound the same, cos dye means, like, to colour your hair, and die means … to be dead. And it was just SO funny.
4: Cassie: red hair = sexy. Bloody clown hair = hilarious.
5: Windows are easily broken. Especially if you smash yourself against them, EMMA.
7: It’s not a good idea to tell girls that they look like a guy you know. Even if that guy is ‘very pretty’. Apparently, its insulting.
8: Oliver Gill has a comfy arse.
9: Oliver Gill thinks that running down the middle of Ascot High Street in the middle of the night is a good way to ‘sober up’.
10: Oliver has the ability to switch girlfriends (Oliver, I know that she wasn’t your girlfriend, but that’s not how the female mind sees it) in a matter of 5 minutes. DUDE.
11: Cassie loves Tom after all. Wink wink. We all saw it.
12: I love Kris. Well, if Bibby asks, I do.
13: Its hard to fill up a list. I couldn’t even be arsed to include a number 6.
14: Parties don’t require music. Or, indeed, food.
15: You break a glass bottle on the floor, YOU CLEAN IT UP. Don’t just leave the shards about and let someone cut open her foot.
16: Many of the SWP – in fact all of them – look like woodland animals.

*DISCLAIMER* I, Cassie Bowman, did not write a word of the above. Hence the subject 'Complete and Unabridged', meaning that I put it in as he (the Phipp) wrote it. Do not blame me for any of this, as I barely agree with any of it. I repeat: NOT MY WORDS OR THOUGHTS. Please stop telling me off.